1/06/2011

My Least Favorite Final Fantasy Characters

Greetings, Head-Bodites! It's been about a week since we've talked like this! I bet you want to know how my New Year's going.* Well, that has to wait. For now, I'm putting  my least favorite Final Fantasy characters. Y'know, since I put my most favorite. And don't worry, it'll all be one post.

FFI: The King of Cornelia
YOU CAN'T FUCKING DRILL FOR MANA!

Yes, this royal ass-face. Dude's daughter just got kidnapped by Garland and you're just a group of 4 completely broke, unequipped heroes, but the dick doesn't give you shit! Then, when you do rescue her, your reward is that he builds a fucking bridge that he was probably going to build anyway! What a numbnuts retard! At least in 8-Bit Theatre, his assholity makes him hilarious...


FFII: None


I haven't gone very far into this game at the moment, and barely anybody has any personality, so they're all boring fucks. So nobody gets least fav'd here for now. Speaking of boring...


FFIII: Ingus
"A loyal soldier of King Sasune's army, he narrowly escaped the Djinn's curse. His prime concern is finding the missing Princess Sara."
Ingus has no definable personality. He just exists to fill the 4th member slot of your party. Even Luneth has half a personality, so why can't this boring piece of fuck?


FFIV: Tellah
"You spoony bard!"
God, why couldn't they have just scrapped this miserable old fart? Sure, he's a somewhat useful mage in the beginning of the game, but once he remembers all his spells and learns Meteor(which can't be used in battle due to his MP NEVER FUCKING RISING!), he just becomes a filler. Thank god he's the only playable character who actually dies (lol, spoilers).


FFV: Krile
"Grandpa, give me strength..."
I honestly don't have much to say here. She's a little girl, she's annoying. Think of her as the prototype Yuffie, or Selphie, or Rikku. I haven't played V, so I don't really have much of a choice...

FFVI: Terra
"Get away!"
Same as Krile, I had no other choice, because I haven't played VI. Which sucks because Terra's not all that bad...

FFVII: Yuffie
"Alright, who's been touching my materia?"
Finally, someone from a game I've beaten again! This retarded little skank is the Naruto of Final Fantasy. 'Nuff said. She thinks she's a ninja, but she's not. She's just a loud annoying pipsqueak. Just like Naruto.

FFVIII: Selphie
"I LOVE TRAINS~!"
Again, I haven't played VIII, but from what I've seen from The Spoony One's review, Selphie's just the type of character I hate. Plain and simple, she's retarded and overenthusiastic.

FFIX: Quina

"Is very delicious shape! Inside might have fine cuisine!"
Ugh, this thing. I just seem to hate the comic relief characters the most. That's right, this thing is supposed to be comic relief. Good luck trying to go to sleep after looking at this thing for too long.

FFX: Rikku:
"Snake? Snake?! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!"
I don't know how anybody could ever like this retard. To paraphrase BlueHighwind, Rikku = Tidus + Boobs. This should mean she's less likely to be on this list, but she's so much more annoying than Tidus. To find out how annoying, you have to play the game.

FFXII: Judge Zargabaath
"The empire's debts grow legion..."
Another case of what will from now on be known as the Ingus Epidemic, Zargabaath is just... boring. He doesn't really do anything. Thus it is a given that he survives after the events of the game he's from. Goddammit.

I know you're probably raging over the fact that I didn't include Vaan or Penelo as FFXII's representative for this list, but I just don't see why everyone hates them so much. Also, the spot of my least favorite character goes to a tie between Rikku and Yuffie. Congratulations, you retarded hoes. I hope you're proud of yourselves. HeadBodyMaster, signing off.
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*My New Year sucks ass so far! My Christmas break was only a week and a half long, so I'm already back in school, I just found out what my grades are and I'm failing two of my classes(which I'm actually doing alright in), and it turns out my Birthday Present from school is FUCKING MID-TERMS! Fuck that mess! The only things that are making this year worthwhile so far are the upcoming games I'm getting. They better save this year...

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