4/18/2012

HBM's Top 10 Biggest Final Fantasy Mistakes

Sometimes, the universe just isn't fair. You pick up a Final Fantasy game, thinking that it looks interesting. For the most part, it is. However, you soon discover the biggest mistake in the game, and every time you play the game after, the experience is slightly dampened by this mistake. I'm going to count down the Top 10 of what I believe to be these. If you don't agree with me here, piss off.

#10: The Fake Deaths in Final Fantasy IV

At least this one wasn't fake...
While Final Fantasy IV was definitely when the series really started getting good, it had the most pointless way of opening up spaces in your party for new members. Usually, it would "kill" certain characters for no reason, and toward the end of the game, they were all fine (except Tellah. YAY!) If you're going to have the characters show up in the end anyway, why fake-kill them?! For drama?!

#9: Some Song Decisions in Theatrhythm


Before I start this one, let me just say that there were songs added to Theatrhythm that I really enjoy. One Winged Angel, that's epic. Dreadful Battle is amazing. Battle on the Big Bridge, well now you're just begging for money, Square. But there were certain songs that I feel deserved to be in this game more than others. For example, I'm one of the few people who doesn't particularly like Aerith's theme, and wanted WEAPON Raid to be the event song for FFVII. Among other song decisions, I'm disappointed that there isn't andy Dissidia/012 original music in this game. I personally believe the Final Boss music should have been either Chaos Battle, The Messenger, or God In Fire. I'll eventually post a list of what songs I think should have been in Theatrhythm.

#8: Certain Character Decisions in Dissidia 012**

It's official. Square hates the world.
While Dissidia 012 was in development, they said they'd be putting in popular characters. Well, alright, the first characters revealed were Kain and Lightning, so you were off to a good start there. Then the next character revealed was Tifa. Not that I hate her or anything, but I don't think she's as popular as, say, Zack or Vincent. But, oh well, Tifa's still pretty cool.

But then they revealed Vaan. Oh... oh god, no. You see, Vaan is hated literally everywhere but Japan, to the point that some boycotted this game just because the fucker was in it! But just you wait, I'll get to that thing later. Honestly, they should have chose a character with better story ties to Gabranth, who was already in the roster, like, I dunno, BASCH?!?! Or someone who's actually fairly well liked, like Balthier.


So, apparently Square decided to ignore everywhere but Japan for their decisions in this game, which lead to more strange decisions, like Laguna (who I can't complain about) and Prishe (I'd never even heard of her before this game). Yeah, anytime Square says they're using popular opinion anymore, just assume they're going to ignore your country, because it isn't Japan. Fuckers.


#7: Not Releasing FFIII In America Until The DS Version




This is a severe problem, considering the other Final Fantasy games that weren't originally released in America got ports. FFII got Origins, FFV got Anthology, and both got GBA remakes. It is inexcusable that FFIII shouldn't be treated the same. I'm fairly sure III is popular in Japan, so what reason could they have to not give this to us sooner?! Does Square not want our money?!


#6: Drawing Magic in FFVIII




There's nothing to say that The Spoony One hasn't already said, considering he dedicated an entire video of his FFVIII series to the concept. It's time consuming and extremely annoying. Thanks to this shit, my Squall was Level 70-something by the end of Disc 1. That's just terrible.


#5: Yuna's English Voice Acting




Honestly, I'm not going to bash on the voice itself. It's just that the lack of anything even resembling proper emoting makes hearing Vaan a vast improvement over hearing Yuna, and that's saying something.


#4: The Original Beta of Final Fantasy XIV




I shouldn't need to say anything. It was apparently so bad that Square had to not only publicly apologize for it, but allow free access to it as they spent another year or so in development. When Square is willing to admit the failure of a game sooner than FFXIII-2's, that's just sad.


#3: Vaan


I feel dirty having more than one picture of this thing on my blog...
Vaan is just... terrible. It* was created at the last moment in the development of FFXII, because they felt that having a more masculine protagonist like Basch would make the game less popular. So this... horrible thing was created because Square decided they needed to whore themselves even more. And somehow, this thing is incredibly popular in Japan! That's just... terrible! Thankfully, the rest of the world has brains, and knows that, just because you're a teenager who barely wears anything on your upper body with an annoying voice and stops having anything to do with the plot 30 minutes into the game, doesn't mean you should have even a single fan. Only one good thing came from this: "I'M CAPTAIN BASCH FON RONSENBURGH OF DALMASCA!"


#2: There's No Real Remake of Final Fantasy VII Yet




When Square Enix released their tech demo for the PS3, which was the opening cutscene of FFVII remade in HD, we all got really excited. Fans all over the world were hoping that this meant the most famous/infamous game in the series would get a remake, which Square wanted to for the PS2. Sadly, it still hasn't happened. There have been countless rumors floating around for years, and they even released the original version of FFVII onto the Play Station Store. However, Square has stated that 1. They don't have the time/money right now (I call bullshit there) and 2. When they do remake it, they want FFVII's original team working on it, and they've been assigned to different teams/have stopped working for Square, so... yeah. Square, you're mostly cockteases these days...


#1: Final Fantasy XIII-2




Honestly, why did they think this was a good idea?! FFXIII was a mediocre game at best (I couldn't even get through 5 minutes of gameplay footage, it's that bad), so why make a sequel?! Hell, even the advertising has issues, as the ads focus so much on Lightning, even though she appears maybe once outside DLC. Hell, DLC is a huge issue here too, as most of the game's good bits (playing as Lightning/Sazh/Jihl/whoever, some minigames, fighting Ultros/Typhoon/GILGAMESH in the arena) are all DLC! And the ending is on par with Mass Effect 3, it's that bad. And you want to know what's even worse?! Shortly after they announced this name, Square created a website for Final Fantasy XIII-3. You can't seriously think that with this kind of shit, people will want a sequel! Mentally retarded autistic quadriplegic monkeys wouldn't buy this abomination of fuckness! Just... NO!!!!


Well, those are what I feel to be the biggest mistakes in Final Fantasy history so far. I now have to play Final Fantasy IX to get my mind off the disgustingness that is FFXIII-2/3...


HBM, signing out.
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*I refuse to refer to shit as disgusting as that with gender. Horrible abominations like Vaan aren't even beings, they're just... disgusting things. Hence, the 'it'.

** A couple days after I posted this, I remembered that Gilgamesh, Kain, Balthier, and Lightning weren't in the original Dissidia, and that was a huge mistake. Consider that #11.

2 comments:

  1. Nice list, especially with Van. I fucking hate Van. And you have a typo where you Said that FFVII isn't on the PSN. It's been on there for 3 or 4 years now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you look closely, it actually says that Square DID put FFVII onto PSN. You probably just misread. Can't blame you, thanks to my color scheme. :P

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