5/31/2013

Bleach Recaps Eps. 296-299: BECAUSE FILLER'S COOL, RITE GAIZ?!

Okay, we're back to this now. It's been another month so I have to do a recap. Otherwise the FBI will come and take away all the cookies.

ALL THE FUCKING COOKIES.

So yeah, let's start.

Episode 296 starts how 295 ended: Recapping important events concerning Ichigo. This time we get Shinji showing up, Ichigo's initial fight with Yammy, his training with the Vizards, and his fights with Ulquiorra and Grimmjow. And again, Aizen's watching the whole time, all like "FOURTH WALL? WHAT'S THAT, I'M TOO FAB FOR THAT SHIT." Anyway, Ichigo says "That's not true... THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE," and Aizen says "Search your feelings, you know it to be true." Then Aizen talks about how he has known about Ichigo ever since he was born and all that, Ichigo gets some mind rape, but then, Isshin (Ichigo's dad) shows up.

"Sup bitches"
The he punts Ichigo off the building they're standing on and gets a foot to the face for that. Stupid anime antics and all that. Anyway, they decide to talk later, Isshin isolates Aizen, and Ichigo goes to fight Gin.

Episode 297 picks up from there. Aizen talks about how the Hogyoku makes him invincible and ruler of all tacos or some shit, and we cut to Ichigo and Gin. Smileyface has a flashback to episode 17 or some shit when he sliced that big red dude's arm* and asks if Ichigo remembers that. Ichi says he doesn't remember Gin's "soul" or some shit, and Gin hypocritically says that Ichigo's "one creepy kid." He then explains how his Shikai is the length of 100 swords and says (with a raepface) that his Bankai is 13 kilometers as he releases it. However, Ichi blocks it, explaining that it's only logical that a Bankai could stop another Bankai, and rushes into the fight.

WELLP
Meanwhile, we see Rangiku somewhere else waking up and cut back to the fight. Gin starts to explain how fast his Bankai is able to extend and retract. How does he do this? By clapping and saying "It's 500 times faster than that." Just... what? Meanwhile, more scenes with Aizen and Isshin. Aizen explains how the Hogyoku grants the wishes of those nearby and says that it has just about awakened as Ichigo and Gin come crashing in. The Hogyoku starts jizzing all over Aizen when he gets pierced by a red beam, which came from Urahara. And that's the end of canon for this recap. ONTO FILLER.

Episode 298 was released to commemorate Bleach Movie 4: Hell Verse. No seriously, Nanao actually tells us that at the start of the episode. So the Soul Society decides to celebrate with a film festival. Ichigo is forced into the Squad 4/7 movie and is eventually tired out from it. Then Squad 11 shows up and explains that their movie is just Kenpachi murdering everything. I would pay to see that shit. He tries to fight Ichigo, but Unohana scares him out of it. Let me repeat that. UNOHANA CAN MAKE MOTHERFUCKING KENPACHI BACK DOWN FROM A FIGHT. Shows just how badass she really is.

MURDER AWAY~!
Anyway, later Ichigo runs into Ukitake and Kyoraku, who are having the Squad 13 lieutenants do a documentary on how amazing Ukitake is, just as he collapses. Then Rukia shows up in a maid outfit, and everyone's hopes for this episode immediately go through the roof. Renji explains that Squad 6, Rukia, and Rangiku are all doing their film together and somehow get Ichigo, Uryu, Orihima, and Chad involved. The funny thing with Renji in this episode is that he's basically Soul Reaper Michael Bay; he's always yelling at the cast members and how there need to be constant explosions and special effects (which Byakuya provides) and that everything will be edited with CGI and stuff. So yeah, they do the film, Ichigo constantly gets exploded, and some ninjas even chase them around. In the end, we don't get to see which film won. Whatever, not like anyone really cared.

Episode 299 was also made to promote Movie 4, but actually ties into the story of the movie. We start with a Soul Reaper getting murdered by some masked thing. Then Urahara has Rukia deliver some new merchandise to his shop as he's closing up to go on vacation. That night, the afro Soul Reaper is getting attacked by the masked thing from earlier as Rukia freezes it. It breaks free and talks about how it wants revenge on Rukia or some shit and they fight for a bit before she realizes that the masked thing is Shrieker, that blue hollow with the little bug-larva-bomb-things from when the show was in single-digit episodes. It turns out he's escaped from Hell to get revenge on her and has been killing Soul Reapers for a while to lure her out. Anyway, nothing Rukia or afro-dude do works, but then Renji shows up and together, they defeat Shrieker and send him back to hell. We then cut to the Soul Society discussing how a Sinner could escape from Hell and all that and prepare to go into alert.

I love how, considering stuff that I've done, I'll be going here.
Meanwhile, in Hell, we cut to Aaroniero and Szayel Aporro waking up from their deaths. Fishbowl threatens Szayel, when some emo-hair pretty boy tells them that they're in Hell. Aaro attacks with his Resurreccion (which is yellow instead of purple for some reason), and Szayel uses a Gran Rey Cero, but they're both ineffective and both are killed for realz. Emo-Hair (who's name is Shuren) then determines that he needs Hollow Ichigo to escape from Hell. TO BE CONTINUED IN THE MOVIE.

Finally, done. While the canon episodes here were good, episode 298 was just WTF. At least now that 299 is out, I can review Hell Verse!

...When I get it.

HBM, Signing Out!
---
*Weird thing here: Gin says that he sliced the guy's arm off, even though it was clearly just a deep cut. In the manga, it was cut off, but couldn't they have changed the dialogue to reflect the change? Anime studios, amirite?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Oh hai comments!